


Craving

by SailorChibi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Play, Baby Tony, Bathing, Crying, Cuddling, Daddy Steve, Diaper Rash, Diapers, Dubious Consent, Evil Bruce Banner, Evil Clint Barton, Evil Steve, Evil Steve Rogers, Feeding, Infantilism, Insecure Tony Stark, Kidnapping, Kissing, M/M, Mitts, Nightmares, Pacifiers, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Steve Rogers, Self-Esteem Issues, Stockholm Syndrome, Stubborn Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Toying with emotions, Wetting the bed, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, and he'll resort to dirty methods to make tony want it, bottles, but there is no sex in the story, clint's family does not exist in this timeline, crawling, double agent bucky barnes, evil Natasha Romanov, forced non sexual age play, how long can one man stand against the world, ignores civil war entirely, naps, non sexual age play, non sexual infantilism, poor tony doesn't stand a chance, psychology warfare, set post avengers: age of ultron, steve doesn't take no for an answer, steve knows what he really wants, tony and steve are a couple as well, tony and steve on opposite side, tony beats himself up pretty hard at some points, tony stark has the world on his shoulders, tony stark in diapers, until steve takes the choice out of his hands, we'll pretend he took the team to an empty farm in AOU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-02-03 17:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12753198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorChibi/pseuds/SailorChibi
Summary: After Ultron, Steve got fed up with the world and took over Hydra. The rest of the world is depending on Tony to stop him. But how can Tony do that when he's plagued with reminders of the relationship he shared with Steve? Sometimes, he wants nothing more than to just stop fighting... Tony should learn to be careful what you wish for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another evil Steve fic combined with NSAP. Clearly I've stumbled across something good here! This is a commission.

It was a cold November day when Tony hustled into Stark Tower and stood, shivering, by the elevator door. He wanted nothing more than to take the elevator up to his own personal floor and sit by the artificial fireplace for a while, until the damp chill that had seeped into his bones was finally displaced. Unfortunately, there was a mountain of work standing between him and that fireplace.

“What’s the rundown, FRI?” he asked wearily, stepping into the elevator. It was, mercifully, empty, which meant he could drop the façade for a few precious seconds. He leaned against the wall as the doors closed, letting his eyes slip shut. Unfortunately, the pounding headache only increased.

“ – you have 1,406 emails waiting for you and a package on your desk.”

Most of what FRIDAY said went straight over Tony’s head, but those few words caught his attention. He frowned, tucking the thick stack of files that Pepper had shoved in his face on his way out of the meeting under one arm. Every file contained at least one contract that needed to be read and signed before dawn tomorrow. Yet again, Tony was looking at a night of no - or very little - sleep.

"A package on my desk? From who?" he asked, curious in spite of himself. As a prominent businessman, superhero and reformed playboy, he got a lot of letters and packages. Sometimes, during those rare spare moments, he even tried to answer some of the ones from the kids. But usually his mail was vetted through the mail room first, and then brought up to his personal assistant’s office so that she could vet them again. Only then were they forwarded to Tony. 

"I don't know."

Tony's frown deepened and he set a purposeful stride down the hall, not stopping until he got to his office door. Sure enough, there was a brown package sitting on top of his desk. It _looked_ innocent enough. But Tony had been down this road before. He knew better than to just blithely open packages. You never knew whether it was going to be a present or a bomb or worse.

"I've scanned it," FRIDAY volunteered. "There are no signs of any electricity."

Well, that eliminated some bombs. Not all of them. Tony eyed the package and, for a moment, considered doing the adult, mature thing of getting the police (not SHIELD, because SHIELD was gone now exactly when they were most needed) on the phone and asking them to come check the package out. The tower would have to be evacuated in the meantime, and it would probably take the bomb squad a while to get here. 

And if turned out the package was nothing dangerous, he'd have disrupted all those people for no reason. Just the thought of all the media attention that move would garner was enough to make Tony sway with exhaustion. He was sick of handling the media, the government, the United Nations – everyone wanted a piece of Tony Stark. At this point, he might even welcome a bomb.

There was only one logical thing to do. He asked FRIDAY to have a suit meet him, set down the stacks of contracts, carefully picked up the package and took the elevator up to what used to be the Hulk’s containment room. Tony hadn’t wanted to build it in the first place, but Bruce had insisted. It had never been used, and now it never would. He tried to quell the rush of bitter disappointment, like a bad taste in the back of his mouth.

He stepped into the suit that FRIDAY had brought up from the workshop. There. That was safe enough. He easily broke the twine that was holding the package together and ripped the brown paper off. The plain box underneath wasn’t much of a help in identifying who might’ve sent it. Tony frowned and, after making sure the armour’s filtration systems were working correctly, lifted the lid of the box.

Inside, nestled on a bundle of duck-printed tissue paper, was a blue pacifier.

Tony paled at the sight of it. There was no doubt in his mind now who the sender was, because there was only one person who would be sending something like this – one person who would know the _meaning_ behind it. Then, just as quickly, his face burned hot and he knew he was blushing as red as the armor. What if someone else had opened this package? What if they’d seen what was inside? Oh god, what if he’d called the bomb squad and _everyone_ saw? There was no good reason for Tony Stark to be getting an adult-sized pacifier in the mail.

“God damnit,” he whispered, letting the armor release. He stepped out, still holding the box, still blushing. What he should do was flush this down the toilet. Or burn it. Burning was a good idea. It would eliminate the evidence.

His hands were shaking. Tony swallowed hard and picked the pacifier up, turning it over. The ring and bib were both blue, but upon closer inspection the bib had a tiny picture of Princess Jasmine on it. He nudged the nipple; judging from the feel of it, it was made from high-grade silicone. Of course it was. He could vividly remember the hours of research that gone into every aspect of this.

And the worst thing of all was that, just when Tony thought he’d finally beaten the craving by forcing himself to not think about it, everything came roaring back. He _ached_ with the need to have a precious few minutes where he didn’t have to think about anything. Where his biggest concern was whether or not his diaper was dry. Where food came in the form of warm bottles, and his days were filled with soft clothing, fun toys, and more affection than he could ever remember receiving.

“God damnit,” Tony said again, more helplessly this time. His eyes were wet all of a sudden, blurring the pacifier. “God _damn_ you, Steve.”

“Boss,” FRIDAY said, making Tony jump. “Should I alert Colonel Rhodes or Ms. Potts?”

“No!” Tony said, horrified at the thought. He closed the box. He should’ve thrown it away, but instead he clutched it to his chest. “No, that’s – no. It’s nothing dangerous. Just a prank from an old friend.”

Had it been JARVIS, Tony never would have gotten away with it. But that was JARVIS, who was so much more than what Tony had created. FRIDAY was still just a rudimentary A.I., and would be for years to come. She went obediently silent, filling Tony with a surge of mingled rage and grief. He’d lost so much: everything that mattered. When would the reminders stop?

Still holding the box, he stalked out of the room and back into the elevator. He should’ve gone down to his office to work, but instead he went up to what used to be Steve’s personal floor. It was empty now, though free of dust. His robots made sure of that. Tony hadn’t been inside since that last night he’d spent with Steve. He remembered that night with a fierce longing. He’d never wake up to Steve’s smile again.

Worse yet, everyone was still in its place just like it had been that day. Tony couldn’t stop himself from walking into Steve’s – their – bedroom. The diaper bag was still on the floor. Inside, Tony knew, would be diapers, baby wipes, diaper cream, pacifiers, a changing mat, sterilized bottles, a couple of toys, and at least two changes of clothes, because Steve was weird about being fully prepared.

Hadn’t they been happy? Hadn’t things been good? Hadn’t Tony been enough? Well, obviously not. Because after Ultron, Steve had lost his fucking mind and made the decision to take over Hydra.

He remembered the day it all came out with perfect clarity. Following the fall of SHEILD, when Natasha dumped all of SHIELD’s files onto the internet, Tony had been preoccupied with a) trying to keep his (dangerous) tech out of the wrong hands and b) trying to save as many SHIELD agents as he could – agents that were deep undercover, sometimes for years, who would be immediately tortured or killed if found out. It was work that continued to this day.

But what Tony hadn’t realized at the time, because he just hadn’t had the attention to spare, was that the location of numerous Hydra bases had come out as well. Natasha had scoured for and saved all that information. When Hydra bases started being blown up, there had been some concern. Well, okay, a lot of concern. Tony had put a lot of effort into figuring it out. He kind of wished now that he hadn’t.

Because he’d never thought the culprit would be Steve. Never thought that it would be a severely disillusioned Steve who saw the writing on the wall – the Sokovia Accords, who even in their infancy had the potential to be a serious threat – and decided that, if the government wanted to impose their agendas on the Avengers, then Steve would rise up and take control so that couldn’t happen. 

“The safest hands are our own, Tony,” Steve had said, like it was Tony’s fault for thinking this was sheer insanity. “Look at what’s happening in the world right now. All those people died when it could’ve been avoided. All this fighting… I’m sick of it. That vision Wanda showed me suggested that I was scared of living without war, but it was wrong. If I’m the leader, I’ll still be needed.” He’d smiled then, eyes alight with a terrifying conviction, and gone on to turn Tony’s world upside down.

One by one, Steve eliminated the Hydra bases. Took the agents who agreed to work for him and killed the rest. He hadn’t forced any countries to submit to him – not illegally, anyway. But by taking control of certain industries, shaking hands with the right people, using the assassins working with him to put a knife in the backs of those who stood against him, and obtaining power faster than anyone could stop him, in the span of one year Steve was well on his way to being King of Earth.

And people expected Tony to stop him. 

Tony shivered, though this time it had very little to do with cold weather. It was a mixture of pure exhaustion and misery that had him sinking down onto Steve’s bed and burying his face in his hands, trying to breathe through the emotion clogging his throat. He’d been trying, but his efforts weren’t good enough. Steve had put down the mantle of Captain America, but that didn’t mean he’d lost his trustworthy smile. Even with reports of the things Steve had done, people were still falling for it.

“I just want this to stop. I want things to go back the way they were,” Tony whispered thickly. But the words were spoken to an empty room, because no one cared what Tony wanted. Steve’s operatives knew how to move in the dark. It was exceedingly hard to lead the American military against shadows. Countries were getting pissed off at each other, which would leave the door open for Steve’s forces to sweep in and take over.

How was Tony supposed to combat that? How was he supposed to fight against Wanda, with her magic? How was he supposed to work against Bruce, who had chosen to side with Steve after being promised that he’d never have to be the Hulk again? Against Natasha? Or Clint? One by one, the other Avengers had fallen to Steve’s way of thinking and abandoned Tony. The only ones with him now were Rhodey, who was so busy with the military that Tony barely saw him, Vision, who was so new to the world that sometimes Tony thought he wanted to side with Steve, and Barnes.

Oh yes. Barnes. He’d shown up on Tony’s doorstep eleven months ago, professing that Steve had lost it and that he didn’t want to be a part of it – of Hydra. It was just one more stress on top of a long list of stresses, but it wasn’t like Tony could turn him away. Barnes was asking for help and Tony didn’t have it in him to refuse, especially if, by sending Barnes away, he sent him into Steve’s arms. Steve didn’t need the help of the Winter Soldier.

He lowered his hands, cradling the box again. The worst part by far was how much he missed Steve. Missed Steve’s kisses over supper. Missed coming home after a day of meetings and having Steve bundle him straight into the shower. Missed being able to relax with Steve. Missed how understanding Steve had always been. Missed their uncomplicated days spent as baby and daddy. Missed _everything_.

And now there was this. What did it mean? Why would Steve send him a pacifier? It had to have been Steve, because no one else had known about their age play – and even now, after everything Steve had done, Tony couldn’t believe he would’ve shared that with anyone else, even Natasha or Sam. There had to be a reason why Steve had sent this, but for the life of him Tony couldn’t think about what that was. He was just so tired.

In a moment of weakness, he gave in to the urge to lay down. Incredibly, the bed still smelled like Steve. Tony rolled over and buried his face in the pillows. It would be distressingly easy to give into the tears, but Tony pushed the urge back. He hadn’t age played since Steve left. He might have woken up to wet sheets more nights than not (well, whenever he managed to sleep at night) but he was determined to never indulge that side of him again. He couldn’t trust anyone that way again.


	2. Chapter 2

“Stark. Stark, hey, wake up.”

Tony opened his eyes slowly, feeling like he’d only been asleep for a couple of minutes. His eyelids were so heavy. He wanted to snuggle back into the pillow and fall asleep. There was no reason for him to be awake when the room was still dark and he could see, beyond the edge of the curtain, that the sun was just beginning to come up. Why was Steve waking him so early?

Then he moved his right leg, just a little, and realized the sheets were soaked – and that the man standing over him was not Steve. Tony immediately blushed, mortified. God, he’d wet the bed _again_. What the hell was wrong with his body lately? Even when he and Steve were dating, they didn’t age play every night. Their schedules just didn’t allow for it. But Tony had never had a problem with wetting the bed back then even when he wasn’t wearing diapers.

“What do you want, Barnes?” he asked, probably more sharply than he’d intended, hoping against hope that, without any lighting, Barnes hadn’t noticed the gigantic wet spot on the bed. Because now that Tony was paying attention, he could tell that his dress pants, boxers, socks, and the bottom of his shirt and jacket were all soaked as well. He’d ruined a perfectly good suit. 

“You’ve been asleep for fifteen hours. Vision sent me up to make sure you were still alive, and insist that you come eat something.”

“Fifteen hours?” Tony muttered, bewildered. That couldn’t be right. But when he grabbed his phone off the nightstand (and thank heavens it hadn’t been in his pocket) he saw that Barnes was right. He’d slept through the rest of the afternoon and all night. It was just after 6am. Tony hadn’t slept like that since…

Well, since Steve was home.

“Were you dreaming?” Barnes asked.

“What?” Tony said, looking up at him distractedly. His email was lighting up like it hadn’t done in weeks. Pepper was probably furious. He was going to be so behind. Hours of working time _wasted_.

“You’re crying.”

Tony blinked, lifting a hand to his face and feeling wetness. He’d been crying before he feel asleep, of course, but that was hours ago. He must’ve been crying in his sleep too. He flushed harder. “I don’t remember. Um, you can tell Vision that I’ll be down in half an hour. I’m going to shower first.”

Barnes just nodded. “Okay. I’ll pass your message alone.”

“Thanks.” Tony waited until Barnes had exited the room before he threw the covers off. He hadn’t slid under them before falling asleep, so he must’ve pulled them over him while sleeping. He scowled at the state of the bed and the soggy clothing he was now wearing. This was humiliating and it needed to stop before someone found out and started asking questions he couldn’t answer. The press would have a field day if they figured out Tony Stark suffered from incontinence, more so if – god forbid – anyone figured out how this had all started.

He stripped down and threw his clothes on the bed, then gathered the bed sheets together. He’d given up on trying to surreptitiously wash them a long time ago; now they all went straight into the garbage. It was a waste, but the tower’s cleaning staff would definitely have some questions if they started finding urine-soaked sheets. They’d probably attribute it to Barnes, but that wasn’t fair either. Better to throw them out and buy new ones.

At least the bed he and Steve had once shared already had a plastic sheet on it beneath the sheet, so he didn’t need to worry about the mattress. He performed a half-hearted clean-up and then went into the bathroom to shower. His phone kept dinging every few seconds, reminding him of just how behind he was now. Tony could only hope that no one had made any life-changing (or destroying) decisions while he was asleep.

Freshly showered and dressed, he headed down to the main floor to put in enough of an appearance to appease Vision. He walked into the kitchen to find Vision and Barnes both seated at the table, which was unusual. Barnes was working his way through a stack of pizza. Vision didn’t need to eat, though sometimes he did because of boredom or curiosity. 

“Are you well, Tony?” Vision inquired. “I’m told it’s uncommon for humans to sleep for that long.”

Tony waved him off. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” He took a seat at the table and sighed, looking the remains of the pizza over. Truth be told, he was sick of take-out. New York offered a wide variety, but Tony had gotten used to Bruce’s and Steve’s home-cooked meals. Bruce had lived all over the world and had a whole range of recipes. Steve just enjoyed cooking. Together, the two of them made for an amazing pair and all of the Avengers had been well fed.

Clint, on the other hand, was as bad at cooking as Tony, though he was half-decent at baking. No one allowed Thor near a kitchen after the flour incident, but Natasha, when she could be coaxed, made the most amazing pelmeni Tony’d ever had. His mouth watered, thinking about them. He tried to remember the last time she’d made them and couldn’t. It had been a long time. He’d probably never get to have them again.

Since Steve had gone crazy and most of the Avengers had gone with him, Tony had been back to a steady diet of smoothies and take-out. Vision had an interest in cooking, as he did with most human things, but he was not good at it. He seemed to lack an understanding of what actually tasted good. And Barnes… well, Tony had no idea if Barnes could cook, but Barnes had never offered and Tony wasn’t about to ask.

“I ordered your favorite,” Vision said, pulling one of the boxes closer. 

“Thanks V,” Tony said, forcing a smile. For Vision’s sake, he opened the lid and took a piece of the pizza. It was cold by now, but he was too tired to bother getting up to heat it. He ate slowly, taking tiny bites and chewing methodically, but only managed to get half the piece down before his stomach threatened to rebel and he set it back down.

“Is the pizza not to your liking?” Vision asked.

“No, it’s great. I’m just not that hungry right now. Put it in the fridge. I’ll have it as a late night snack.” Tony stood, gripping the table for balance at an unexpected surge of dizziness. What he really wanted to do was go back upstairs and sleep some more, but Ross would probably take that as an invitation to go launch a murder squad against Steve.

He went downstairs empty-handed (what he wouldn’t give for the days when Clint and Bruce, who were possibly more addicted to caffeine than Tony was, had pots of coffee going at every hour of the day) and made himself a cup of coffee in the workshop. Dummy beeped at him sadly while Tony drank, and Tony patted his chassis. Dummy missed the others, especially Steve. Steve used to come down to the workshop to draw while Tony worked, and he’d give Dummy a lot of attention while he was there.

But they’d functioned just fine before Steve and the others. And they would be just fine now. 

“This is stupid,” Tony said out loud. Dummy beeped. “No, not you, Dummy. I meant this. No matter what kind of front Steve put on for years, he’s the bad guy now. It’s my responsibility to put a stop to him.” He tossed back the rest of his coffee and poured himself another cup before walking over to his desk. First he was going to deal with some stuff down here, but then he was going upstairs to find that pacifier and burn it. Fuck whatever mind games Steve was trying to play.

He lost himself in work for a good five or six hours, not even surfacing when his ‘bots trundled back to their charging ports for the night. Much of that time was spent answering emails. Apparently while Tony was asleep, another European country had welcomed Steve’s advances. Now more than 60% of the world was under Steve’s control. And it was up to Tony to do damage control. The amount of emails that were, to put it kindly, expressing pure rage that Tony hadn’t somehow stopped this from happening made Tony’s head spin.

“What the hell do they want me to do? I’m not magic. I can’t snap my fingers and make Steve stop,” Tony said under his breath. He wasn’t sure it would’ve mattered if he was magic. Last he’d heard, some magician guy named Dr. Strange had willingly taken up with Steve. 

Even putting a hit out on Steve wouldn’t work. It was pretty hard to kill a super solider, especially one that had some of the best assassins and former (current?) spies in the world already working for him. And it wasn’t like Tony regularly met Steve in battle either. He hadn’t fought Steve or any of the other Avengers for weeks. He was pretty sure they were deliberately avoiding him. 

Besides, Steve wasn’t flashy or showy like most super villains. He was too damn smart for that; he operated in the shadows, making things happen days or even weeks before anyone else found out, always two steps ahead of everyone else. His was a slow game that was working a lot better than Tony wanted to admit. He had FRIDAY running the calculations. At the current rate, Steve would be King of Earth in less than a year.

He sighed in frustration and stopped typing, opting to instead drop his aching head into his hands. Short of building a time machine to go back in time to stop what had pushed Steve over the edge, Tony didn’t know how to stop this. His connections, his money, even his intelligence could only go so far. Iron Man could go talk to a country and offer help or tell them why they shouldn’t bow to Steve, but that didn’t seem to be making a difference. Even when he was a megalomaniac, Steve was by far the most trustworthy between the two of them.

“I can attest that snapping your fingers at Steve will only make him do the exact opposite of what you wanted him to do.”

“Jesus!” Tony jumped. “What the hell are you doing down here?”

Barnes just looked at him. “You didn’t eat. Vision was concerned. I brought you a smoothie. That I made,” he clarified, setting a water bottle down on the desk. “I even put it into a bottle so that you wouldn’t have to worry about tipping it over.”

“Oh. Thanks,” Tony said, surprised. The smoothie was green, which suggested the presence of kale or spinach. He picked it up. Barnes had chosen a water bottle with a spout as opposed to a screwed-on cap. Tony put the spout to his lips, tipping the bottle up automatically. Too late he realized that it was uncomfortably close to drinking from an actual baby bottle. He froze, wanting to pull the water bottle away – it was the last thing he needed right now, but Barnes was watching…

“It’s strawberry, banana, kale and mango,” Barnes said when Tony didn’t drink. “FRIDAY said those were ingredients you used a lot.”

Shit. Tony sucked, oblivious to the (actually delicious) taste flooding his mouth, trying to keep himself from falling into his little headspace. He hastily lowered the bottle after just a couple of sucks and tried to smile. “No, it’s great. Thanks. You didn’t have to do that.”

Barnes shrugged one shoulder. “He’d be really upset if he knew you weren’t eating.”

“I eat,” Tony said indignantly. He didn’t know why Vision paid so much attention to how much Tony ate or slept. It must’ve been a holdover from JARVIS. JARVIS. Had JARVIS still been here, there was no way Steve would’ve gotten as far as he had. The thought of him made Tony ache, and he turned back to his screen.

“Sorry, Barnes. I’m really busy here. Thanks for the smoothie, but I need to kick you out.”

“Make sure you eat it,” Barnes said before he turned and walked out. Tony watched him go, waited to be sure he was really gone, and then unscrewed the top of the water bottle. He sipped at the smoothie again, straight out of the bottle itself, resolutely ignoring the cap. He didn’t miss the baby bottles. He didn’t miss the complete security of reclining in Steve’s arms and looking up at Steve’s affectionate eyes and adoring smile while he drank. His eyes were just blurry from the strain. He _didn’t_ miss Steve. Not at all.


	3. Chapter 3

Board meetings were the bane of Tony’s existence. He understood why they were important, but, when compared with everything else that he had to do, he hated wasting hours of his time in one room having the same conversation over and over again. Even Pepper was beginning to look impatient, subtly checking her watch beneath the table as the meeting ticked over into its fifth hour.

Finally, the meeting ended. Tony waited until all of the other board members had filed out before he let out a groan. “We need to start scheduling these meetings once a year, if that.”

“If you do that, your company would run itself into the ground,” Pepper said wearily. Tony glanced at her, realizing that she looked exhausted. This whole ‘Steve taking over the world’ thing had been hard on Pepper too, because it meant that Tony had less time to spend on the company and more things had landed on Pepper’s plate. They were both working overtime.

“You would never let that happen,” he said fondly. “Why don’t you take tonight off, Pep? Don’t take any work home with you. Let Happy take you out instead. I can get you reservations at that French restaurant you like so much.”

“I have a lot to do,” Pepper said. That wasn’t a ‘no’, which meant she was tempted. Tony decided to sweeten the deal. He reached for his wallet and pulled out his credit card, flicking it across the table to her. Pepper caught it and looked at him questioningly.

“Buy yourself something new to wear, my treat,” Tony said. 

“You don’t have to do that, Tony.”

“I know. I want to. Go. Have fun. Give Happy something to smile about.” He got up and came around the table, picking her notebook up. She had her purse and coat, so he’d drop it off in her office on the way out and ask FRIDAY to lock the door until 8am tomorrow morning. He pressed a kiss to Pepper’s forehead and smiled when she grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze of thanks.

It was cold out, but thankfully not raining. Tony shoved his hands into his pockets and hurried over to his limo. He was looking forward to getting back to the Tower and getting a few things finished for the night. But that plan was quickly derailed when his phone beeped with a very familiar tone. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, eyes widening when he saw the alert FRIDAY had sent to him. Robots were attacking lower Manhattan.

At least that explained why traffic was stalled. He pushed the door open and jumped back out, taking off at a dead run. Getting through the crowds of people on the sidewalks was easier said than done, and he was grateful when the Iron Man suit arrived, setting down right in front of him. Tony stepped into it, the suit closed, and he immediately activated the thrusters.

“Boss, the NYPD is working on evacuating the area,” FRIDAY said into his ear. “Vision is enroute. Barnes is asking if you’ll require his help as well.”

Tony hesitated. Barnes wasn’t really safe to go out in the field yet. They just didn’t know much about his mental state, since Barnes had refused to see a therapist. But as he came upon the scene, he realized they didn’t have a choice. There were hundreds of robots, all about the size and shape of a tire, gleefully destroying New York. This was going to be much too much for Tony and Vision to handle alone.

“Yeah, tell him to hitch a ride,” Tony said roughly. Anything Barnes did wrong would be on Tony’s head. He hoped this wasn’t a mistake.

He threw up an arm and ordered FRIDAY to put the repulsors at 100%. The blast caught three robots through their centers. They fell to the ground and exploded upon contact with the pavement. Tony grimaced. That wasn’t a good sign. It meant he had to be more careful about making sure no one was underneath, or that no one was in range of shrapnel.

The robots were easy enough to destroy, but there were just _so many_ of them. For every three that Tony successfully destroyed, it felt like ten more popped up to take their place. And he was so busy trying to take care of the threat that he didn’t even have a chance to grab a robot and try to figure out who had made them or where they were coming from. He was immeasurably grateful when Vision flew on scene, carrying Barnes. Vision dropped Barnes on a rooftop and flew overhead.

“They explode as soon as they’re hit!” Tony yelled – which was literally true, he’d just barely grazed while doing a particularly tight turn, and it had exploded like he’d full-on collided with it – before realizing that Barnes might not have a communicator. He was relieved when he saw Barnes nod, which meant he did.

“I am trying to interface with them, but they are not responding,” Vision said.

“FRIDAY’s scans are coming up empty, too.” Tony grunted in surprise when something slammed into him. He felt the explosions a second later, and a warning sign popped up on the HUD. The integrity of the armor had been compromised.

“Stark! Are you okay?” Barnes demanded.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tony said, a little surprised that Barnes had asked. He twisted around and blasted the wave of robots that had snuck up behind him, but more swarmed in to close the gap. He was becoming surrounded, he realized with a flash of fear. That didn’t bode well.

He pushed more power to the thrusters and shot up, well out of reach, then let loose with a bunch of repulsor blasts that fried the robots that had been circling him. He glanced around and realized that he couldn’t even see Vision or Barnes anymore. There was a huge mass of robots hanging in the air about fifty feet away, which had to be Vision. But Barnes? Tony scanned the ground and surrounding rooftops, but it was impossible to see a damn thing.

“FRIDAY, any luck? These things are like flies,” Tony said. 

“Sorry, Boss. I can’t get a read on their signal. It’s either very well encoded, or magic.”

“Fucking magic,” Tony swore. He let out a yelp as several more robots crashed into him. They exploded. The HUD flickered with warning, indicating that the left side of the suit was rapidly losing power.

“You need to land,” FRIDAY said quickly. “The armor can’t support power to both the thrusters and the repulsors. Boss –”

Whatever she was gonna say, Tony wasn’t listening. He dropped, slamming into the ground hard enough to make his teeth ache, then lurched up and held up his hands. It was a beautiful thing to watch the resulting explosions, but did pitifully little in the grand scheme of things. They were quickly becoming overwhelmed, and he couldn’t think of anyone close enough to help.

“Stark!” Barnes bellowed, somewhere above him.

Tony started to turn, but was driven to the ground by something extremely heavy. Pain exploded in the lower half of his body. He made a choked sound, biting his lip hard to keep from screaming. At first he thought that he’d been dive bombed by more of the robots – but no. Whatever it was, it hadn’t exploded. It was still pressing him down. He couldn’t move. 

“F-FRIDAY,” he choked out, feeling nauseated. The pain was excruciating, except in lower right left which had gone numb. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse.

FRIDAY’s voice was distorted when she spoke. “It’s a metal beam from a nearby building. Several robots crashed into the building at such an angle that the beam was thrown onto you. I’m running diagnostics, but I don’t think the suit has enough power to lift it.”

Of course they had, Tony thought, and had to bite back the ridiculous urge to laugh. He gasped for breath and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think of a way out of this situation. Barnes had seen him go down. But just minutes before, he’d seen the robots swarming Vision. It stood to reason that Barnes was having a similar issue. Would they be able to get to him in time?

In time for what was a question Tony didn’t want to think about or have answered. He’d always known that being an Avenger had a high mortality rate, particularly after the Battle of New York. It was probably sheer luck that had kept Tony going until now. Because unlike Steve or Barnes or Bruce, Tony was a squishy human underneath the armor. That fact had finally caught up with him.

“Boss, your blood pressure is dropping,” FRIDAY said. She sounded worried. 

“It’s okay,” Tony whispered, even though it wasn’t. His teeth were chattering. He was probably going into shock. Blood loss could do that to you.

“Help is on the way. They’ll be here soon,” FRIDAY said.

As soon as they dealt with the hundreds of robots. Tony kept his eyes shut and just tried to concentrate on breathing. Unbidden, a thought wormed its way into the forefront of his mind: he wished that Steve were here. Actually, he wished that all the Avengers were here. Clint would’ve been in a position to warn him about the beam. But he wished that Steve were here the most.

And then, incredibly, Steve was.

Tony’s eyes snapped open at the unmistakable sound of Captain America’s shield whipping through the air. He couldn’t see much, his view was obscured by the beam, but he could hear it, and he could hear the resulting explosions of the robots. Moments later, Steve himself stalked around the edge of the beam. He had the cowl pulled down and his face was a mask of rage.

“Tony,” he said, and the soft way he said Tony’s name was completely at odds with the angry expression. He knelt down, gripping the faceplate and pulling it off. Tony had lost more faceplates that way than he could count on two hands.

“St-Steve?” Tony rasped, wondering if he was hallucinating. Steve couldn’t be here. He was a fugitive in the United States, wanted for breaking numerous laws as well as murder. It would be idiotic of Steve to be here, where he could get arrested. You couldn’t rule the world from prison.

“Hi baby boy,” Steve murmured, setting a hand on Tony’s cheek. The touch was unbelievably tender and Tony hated himself for the way his eyes welled up with tears. But he could feel Steve’s hand, cool and smooth from the glove. That meant Steve was actually here. And in spite of everything, Tony was relieved that Steve was going to be the last person he saw before he died.

Steve shook his head. “Oh sweetie, no. Daddy’s here. It’s going to be okay, I promise. Just keep looking at Daddy, okay?” He rubbed his thumb down Tony’s cheek, wiping away some of the tears. “You’re gonna be okay.”

Tony obeyed, keeping his eyes on Steve’s face. He could hear more and more explosions. Part of him was curious to know what was going on with the battle, but that part was both small and distant: he was more focused on the gentle words Steve was whispering to him. So when someone came around the side of the beam, Tony jumped and then made a startled sound of pain.

“Shhh, baby. Don’t move,” Steve said, scooting closer. “Daddy needs you to be my brave boy and stay still.”

“We’ve got the robots under control,” Natasha said. “It seems the perpetrator was Justin Hammer.”

“Hammer?” Steve said. All the sweet kindness was gone from his voice. His eyes were cold. “Find him, Natasha. I want him to know exactly what he’s done.”

Natasha nodded. She paused just long enough to give Tony a smile before she vanished. Steve turned back to Tony, the anger melting away to be replaced by affection. “Okay, here’s what’s gonna happen. Daddy’s gonna give you something to make you sleep, okay? That way you won’t be in pain.”

Tony’s thoughts were becoming increasingly muddled. All he could manage was, “Steve.”

“I know, sweetie, I know. It hurts. You’ll feel better when you wake up.” Steve removed a needle from his belt. He knew exactly where to press to remove the gauntlet from Tony’s left arm. Smoothly, he slid the needle into Tony’s arm. 

The last thing Tony heard before he passed out was Steve’s voice, murmuring, “It’s okay. Soon Daddy will be with you all the time, baby boy.”


	4. Chapter 4

There were brief flashes of light and sound, but mostly what Tony knew was comforting darkness where he didn’t have to worry about anything. He didn’t need to pour over contracts, sign dozens of papers, push himself to create anything, or deal with anyone. He could just _be_. It was so nice that he hated to wake up, hated opening his eyes to bright lights and the feel of Pepper’s trembling hand in his own, because it meant he had to put on a strong face again.

“Oh, Tony,” Pepper whispered shakily when she saw that his eyes were open. Her eyes were filled with tears, but she blinked them away and managed a smile. “You have got to stop scaring me like this. My blood pressure can’t take much more of it.”

Tony tried to respond but realized he couldn’t. There was a tube down his throat. He grunted instead, which Pepper seemed to take as a positive answer judging by how her smile widened a little. 

“We’re going to remove the tub, Mr. Stark,” a nurse said, leaning over him. At one time, Tony would’ve blocked out by the pain by admiring her breasts, which were very generous and barely contained by the low-cut shirt she was wearing. Now, he just closed his eyes, went limp and waited for it to be over.

He coughed a little, wincing, as the tube slid out. Pepper immediately picked up a cup of water and held it out so that he could carefully sip from the straw. The warm water soothed the pain in his throat, though it still ached when he swallowed. He knew from experience that it would hurt for a while, but the pain would be overshadowed by other, worse pains when the medication started to wear off.

“How long?” Tony whispered, voice hoarse.

“Six days,” Pepper said, setting the cup down. “You were in surgery for over twelve hours, and then they had you in a medically induced coma for five days to give your side a chance to heal some. They were very concerned about infection.”

“My leg?” Tony asked, half-afraid of the answer. He didn’t remember a lot, and most of what he did remember he couldn’t handle thinking about right now – the memory of Steve’s hand in his hair hurt too much - but he hadn’t been able to feel his left leg. 

“Your leg is fine, though there might be some nerve damage. You might have to walk with a cane for a while. And they had to remove your spleen and your left kidney,” Pepper said. She stroked his arm, like she needed to touch him in some way. “You had a lot of internal bleeding. That beam went right through you.” 

“I remember,” Tony muttered, looking down his body. White bandages peeped out from underneath the white blanket. “Anything else?”

“You broke four ribs, dislocated your arm and cracked your hip bone.” Pepper’s voice was shaky now. “Had it not been for the armor, you probably would never walk again.”

Tony closed his eyes at that, trying not to show how much her words affected him. Being a superhero was risky business. He’d known that from day one, which was why he’d built as much protection and padding into the armor as he could without sacrificing range of movement. This was easily the worst he’d ever come out of a fight. It had just been too much for three people to handle.

“Vision? Barnes?” he asked.

“They were both injured, but they also heal a lot faster than you. Barnes was very upset, actually. He seemed to blame himself for not being there to help you.”

“It’s not his fault,” Tony said. Had he called out for either one of them? Maybe he’d just imagined Steve being there when no one came to his aid. It would be just like his brain to be that much of an asshole.

“I know. I told him that. So did Rhodey. I don’t think he believed it.”

“Rhodey’s here?”

Pepper shook her head. “He wanted to be, but he couldn’t get away. He said he’s working on getting some leave as soon as possible so that he can come see you.”

“Oh,” Tony said, disappointed in spite of himself. He knew Rhodey was doing good things, _important_ things, that were helping the United States stand strong against Steve. But he still wished his best friend could be here right now. Tony could’ve used the support, and the world never seemed quite as terrible as it really was when Rhodey was around.

The doctor came in then, and the next hour was a flurry of activity as Pepper slipped out, Tony asked and answered some questions, his wounds were thoroughly checked and then his bandages were changed. By the time that it was all over, Tony was exhausted. The last nurse leaving the room turned the lights off and he closed his eyes, telling himself he’d ask for Pepper again in a minute.

Unsurprisingly, that minute turned into a lot longer. When he opened his eyes again, sunlight was spilling across the floor of his private room. Barnes was sitting beside Tony’s bed this time. His spine was ramrod straight and he stared at the door like he was expecting a gunman to come in at any moment. Kind of like having a personal bodyguard, Tony thought, and coughed.

Barnes didn’t look away from the door. “You’re alive.”

“I’ve missed your sparkling wit,” Tony croaked, and tried to reach for the cup of water on the nightstand. Even though it was on his right side within what should’ve been an easy reach, it was too far away. Barnes had to hand it to him and then steady Tony’s arm while Tony sipped.

“I’m sorry,” Barnes said. 

Pepper hadn’t been kidding. Tony shook his head. “Stop. It’s fine. It’s a risk we all take as Avengers. And it wasn’t your fault. I should’ve been paying more attention to my surroundings.”

Barnes didn’t look like he agreed with that assessment, but he let the matter drop. Possibly because Tony made the mistake of trying to move, and the agonized whimper that he couldn’t hold back had Barnes leaping up and charging for the door. He didn’t actually leave the room, just glowered from the doorway, but seconds later a nurse scuttled in, giving Barnes a wide berth, and administered more pain medication. Barnes loomed over her the entire time until Tony had relaxed again.

“Is that better, Mr. Stark?” the nurse asked, eyeing Barnes warily.

“Yes,” Tony said, trying to smile. The pain had been so severe it brought tears to his eyes and made him see spots. The medication acted quickly thank god, easing the pain and leaving him feeling a little spacey.

“Good. If you feel pain again, please press your call button.” She indicated a small button on the side of Tony’s bed. 

“I will,” Tony promised. He didn’t like being heavily doped up, but apparently it wasn’t negotiable right now. After Afghanistan he had a considerably high pain threshold, but this was more than even he could handle.

The nurse nodded and left the room, edging around Barnes. Barnes didn’t sit down until she was gone. Tony watched him, torn between amusement and exasperation. He didn’t need a babysitter. He was perfectly capable of being in the hospital by himself – it was easier to sneak out that way, though admittedly it would probably be a while before he was able to leave. He sighed.

“Are you in pain?” Barnes asked, looking like he was prepared to physically haul the nurse back in if Tony said he was.

“No. I just don’t like hospitals much,” Tony replied. “And unfortunately, I don’t have a doctor living with me anymore.” Bruce would’ve protested that, since he was forever saying he wasn’t a doctor, but the truth was that anytime one of the Avengers was injured, Bruce was all over them. He would keep a list of their medications and carefully dole them out and make sure no one was overdoing it and that they were following any prescribed diets. Had Bruce still been around, Tony could’ve gone home a lot earlier.

Barnes frowned at that. “You could get one. Isn’t that a thing now?”

“Yeah, but I don’t trust easily. I’m sure you can guess why.”

“Steve,” Barnes said. “He was there.”

There were Tony’s theory that he’d imagined Steve’s presence. “You saw him?”

“Him and Natalia,” Barnes said, settling back against the chair. “I’m not sure where they came from. He was actin’ like a protective mama bear towards you, though. He actually growled at Vision when Vision tried to approach you.” He grinned.

“That sounds like the Steve I used to know,” Tony said. It hurt to think that his encounter with Steve had really happened. That Steve had stroked his hair and touched his face and called him all those nicknames. That Steve had comforted him and called himself ‘Daddy’ and acted like nothing had changed. The memories made the hole in Tony’s chest ache even worse, because he wanted Steve here now. He wanted to curl up in his daddy’s lap and cry until his daddy made the pain go away.

He was embarrassed when his eyes filled with tears again for an entirely different reason. A couple tears ran down his face and he turned his head away, ashamed. It was mortifying to have someone else see him crying, especially someone like Barnes. And it was even worse to be crying over something so babyish and stupid. That part of his life was over now! Why couldn’t his damn brain accept that?

“He didn’t stick around long. Couldn’t. After Natalia disabled the robots, the police started to arrive and an ambulance showed up for you. He had to leave,” Barnes said, obviously deciding to ignore Tony’s show of weakness. Tony was pathetically grateful as he discreetly wiped his face.

“You didn’t capture him?” Tony said, proud when his voice didn’t shake. Barnes was one of the only people who could take Steve in a fight. 

“A fight between us would’ve meant delaying you medical attention,” Barnes pointed out. “You were dying, Stark. You flat-lined like four times in the ambulance alone. Had they been any later getting you to the hospital, I don’t think you would’ve survived.” He paused for a moment. “You had several blood transfusions. Some of them had the super soldier serum in them.”

Tony tensed in surprise. “You gave me your blood?”

“You were dying,” Barnes repeated. “You needed something with an extra kick. So you should heal a little faster.”

“I didn’t know our blood types were the same,” Tony said. It was a stupid thing to get stuck on, but he could’ve sworn that Barnes’s blood type was B-. Tony’s was A+, which meant they should’ve been incompatible. Then again, his memory could hardly be trusted right now and it wasn’t like he could ask JARVIS to confirm.

Barnes just shrugged. “I hope it helps. At any rate, maybe you’ll be able to leave here a little more quickly than you expected.”

“I hope so,” Tony mumbled. “I have a lot of stuff to do, and I’m sure it’s been piling up while I’m here.” He inwardly grimaced at the thought of being six days behind already. Six days was more like a month in his life. He couldn’t even fathom how far behind he was going to be by the time he was released. He was going to have to ask Pepper or someone to bring him a tablet so he could do some work while he was here.

“There was something else,” Barnes said, and Tony looked at him. Barnes bent over and picked up a bag. He pulled out an adorable stuffed toy. It was a grey wolf that was sitting upright. It had a white face and white paws, with round, dark eyes, and a green color. 

Tony raised an eyebrow. “You bought me a stuffed animal?”

“It came to the tower, actually, in an unmarked package. It’s from Steve.”

Tony’s heart turned over. “If it was in an unmarked package, how do you know who it’s from?”

By way of response, Barnes pressed the right front paw of the wolf. “Hi baby boy,” Steve’s warm voice said. It was a recording, Tony realized, feeling weak with surprise and longing. A recording addressed to the little side of him, which made sense but was hugely problematic.

Fortunately, Barnes pressed the paw again and the voice stopped. He made eye contact with Tony but said nothing – he didn’t have to. Tony could see it in his face. He’d listened to some, if not all, of the recording already. Tony’s face burned, but he couldn’t think of what to say. What could he say? If that recording was anything like what Steve had been saying to him during the battle, Tony was fucked.

“I wasn’t sure you would want it. If you don’t, throw it out,” Barnes said, breaking the silence. He set the stuffed toy on Tony’s bed. “I’ll be back.” He walked out of the room without a backwards glance, pulling the door shut behind him.

Tony should’ve thrown the toy out. Instead, like his hands were possessed, he picked up the toy. It was achingly soft and he immediately wanted to bury his face into it. He refrained, just in case someone were to walk in on him, and instead pressed the wolf’s right paw.

“Hi baby boy,” Steve’s voice said again. “Daddy’s sorry that he can’t be there with you when you’re feeling so icky. But I want you to be sure and listen to the doctor so that you can feel better soon. In the meantime, here’s something to help you sleep.” There was the sound of a page turning. Steve cleared his throat. Then he began, “A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang, ‘I'll love you forever…’”

Steve was reading him a book. One of Tony’s favorite books when he was in his little headspace, actually. He loved listening to Steve’s voice reciting the familiar words, because Steve always looked at him with such love and affection when he got to the little song. A knot formed in Tony’s throat as Steve read through the whole book, and this time when the tears came he couldn’t hold them back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the book "Love you Forever" by Robert Munsch.


	5. Chapter 5

Being at the hospital was every bit as boring and maddening as Tony had feared it would be. Pepper and Happy came to visit as much as they could, but Pepper was still a CEO running a huge company and her time was in high demand. And as her bodyguard, it was way more important that Happy be with her than hang around the hospital keeping Tony company.

Barnes and Vision both came to visit Tony. Their company wasn't quite as enjoyable, but it also beat staring at the walls and feeling like he was going to lose his mind. Four days after Tony woke up, Vision even smuggled in a tablet, which Tony could've kissed him for. He waited until Vision was gone before he logged in. It was good that he had. The sight of over 7,000 emails waiting for his attention nearly sent Tony into a panic attack.

He sank back against the pillows, fighting to keep his breathing even. The last thing he wanted was for the machines he was hooked up to, to go crazy, which meant the nurses would come flocking in and discover him working. He didn't look at the tablet again until his racing heart had calmed and his breathing was mostly back to normal. Only then did he pick it up and look at the screen. 

"Fuck me," he breathed, realizing that the majority of emails had very little to do with Stark Industries. Pepper, bless her heart, had been doing a fantastic job of keeping the board and stockholders calm. She'd prepared a statement with Tony for the press and they were both hoping that the impact for Stark Industries would be very minimal.

No, most of these emails were from the government, the military, the navy, the United Nations - pretty much anyone and everyone who had been informed that another three countries had submitted to Steve Rogers. Four of the seven continents were now under Steve's control. At this rate, it wouldn't be long until North America was the lone hold-out. Tony had to close his eyes and fight off a wave of dizziness.

How the hell did they expect him to stop Steve? No, really. Just because Tony had once been Steve's teammate didn't mean he held the magical key to make Steve stop. And he was starting to get really fed up with this persistent attitude that Tony wasn't doing enough. He'd been stretching himself razor thin for months, but no one seemed to think that was good enough.

"It's never going to be good enough," Tony muttered, momentarily overwhelmed by a swell of bitterness. He was used to seeing the ugly side of people. He knew what they were like, especially politicians. But he'd never been under this much pressure before, and certainly not when he couldn't see a way out. Slowly but surely, Steve was backing the world into a corner.

He was smart enough to see the inevitable. Steve was going to be ruler of the Earth and there wasn't a damn thing Tony could do to stop it. In his weaker moments, sometimes Tony wondered why he was even bothering to try. Yes Steve had killed some (corrupt, damaged, dangerous) people. But he'd also stopped wars. He'd opened up schools in impoverished areas. He was helping to cure poverty and hunger. Not everything that Steve was doing was as terrible as the American government was trying to make it out to be.

Maybe he should stop trying. It was a thought that Tony hated to even entertain, but sometimes he genuinely wondered why he was putting himself through this hell. No one appreciated his efforts. He couldn't remember the last time anyone outside of his immediate circle had said a positive thing about Tony Stark or Iron Man. A quick glance at the news feeds told him that most people were scorning his near-death experience, chalking it up to weakness or old age.

Tony tightened his grip on the tablet. He wasn't old. He wasn't weak. He was human. A human who was trying to do too much and who was going to drive himself to an early death on behalf of a bunch of ungrateful assholes. And for what? Even if he did somehow, by some miracle, stop Steve, the world would go right back to the way it had been before. Except worse, because then people would be scrambling to grab power.

The other Avengers certainly thought Steve was doing a good job. Good enough for them to have joined him, anyway. Tony usually tried not to think about them, but it was especially hard right now. He couldn't help thinking that, if Natasha, Clint and Bruce had still been around, this never would've happened. Clint would've been an eye in the sky, calling out warnings before even FRIDAY picked up on them, and the Hulk would've come to Tony's aid immediately.

Hulk. God he would've had a blast smashing all those dumb robots. Tony smiled faintly, but all too quickly the smile slid off his face. He looked at the wolf that Steve had sent him. It was sitting beside his pillow. Many of the nurses and doctors had looked at the toy with weird expressions, no doubt wondering why Tony was keeping it around. Tony was past the point of caring. When he woke up in the middle of the night, gasping from nightmares, that wolf was the only thing that calmed him down.

"I need to get out of here," Tony told the wolf. He hadn't thought of a good name yet. "If I stay here much longer, I'm going to convince myself that what I'm doing is completely pointless and end up joining Steve myself. I need to get back around other people and go to work. I need the distraction."

He firmly thrust aside any and all thoughts of picking up the phone and calling Steve aside. That was just the little side of him talking, and he really needed to start ignoring that side immediately. Indulging it wouldn't do anyone any good, and it would only make Tony long for things that he couldn't have anymore. Whatever game Steve was trying to play wasn't going to happen.

Reaching for the phone, he started dialing. The doctors were very resistant to releasing him, but Tony had thrown his money and power around before to make things happen the way he wanted them to and he would do it again. He willingly signed the forms that stated he was signing himself out against medical advice and forced himself out of the hospital bed.

That was hard. Moving was agony. Walking was basically impossible. His whole left side was in pain. His arm was still in a sling due to his dislocated shoulder, so crutches or a cane were both out, and the doctors repeatedly pressed upon him the fact that he could rip stitches very easily. They'd put a pin in his hip to hold the bones together, but he had to be careful about how much weight he put on that side. Add on the broken ribs, which were still very tender, and Tony just wanted to lay down and die.

"You don't have to leave, Mr. Stark," one of the nurses said as Tony slowly levered himself into the wheel chair.

"Yes, I do," Tony said shortly. He caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror. He looked pale and sweaty and sickly. Not the image he wanted to present to the world.

The nurse sighed. "You're progressing faster than we expected, but -"

"It's that super soldier blood. Good for the body," Tony interrupted. He didn't want to hear, for the fifth time, about how he was putting his health at risk by leaving the hospital too early. He didn't care. He couldn't stay here any longer without going crazy.

She looked annoyed, but didn't press the issue. "Do you have someone picking you up?"

"Yes." Thank god for Happy. He'd agreed to come and pick Tony up and then take him back to the tower.

"I'll take you downstairs then, if you have everything you need."

Tony did, in fact, have everything, including his wolf. He'd stuffed it into a bag the hospital had given him and piled a couple of other things on top so that no one would be able to see it. The smart thing to do would've been to leave the toy behind and avoid the temptation of ever listening to the recording again, but paranoia meant Tony couldn't do that. What if someone found it and listened to the recording and figured out who it was meant for? That would be a level of horror that Tony genuinely could not deal with.

The nurse wheeled him out into the hall and down to the elevator. A sense of relief started flowing through Tony the moment they were inside the elevator and it was moving down. He was going home. He could handle everything from the safety of the tower. It would all be better once he didn't have to worry about doctors and nurses peeking in on him all the time.

He should've guessed what was going to happen as soon as he made the decision to leave the hospital, but somehow it didn't once occur to him that someone might leak his departure to the press. The second the doors opened, cameras started going off. Tony blinked, momentarily blinded, and shrank back against the wheelchair before he could stop himself.

"My gracious!" the nurse exclaimed. "What on earth - they're going to disrupt the other patients! Call security!" She directed the order at an intern who was standing nearby. The intern ran to do as she said.

"That's my car right there," Tony said wearily, keeping his voice low. People were yelling questions and insults and inflammatory statements at him. It was overwhelming. The lights and the noise and the _pressure_ \- he could barely breathe. He was shaking by the time that Happy got to him. Happy took over control of the wheelchair and quickly rolled Tony over to the car.

Standing up and climbing into the car was humiliating. Tony felt weak, and knew he looked weak. He had to lean on Happy's arm in order to stand, and had to bite back a moan of pain as he sat down on the limo's backseat. Happy had to lift his legs into the limo. Thankfully, the door closed after that and the tinted windows meant Tony was protected from the chaos for the moment. 

If Steve had been here, this would've gone differently. Steve would've employed Natasha to find a way out of the hospital that didn't involve rolling Tony out the main entrance. He would've made sure that Clint had a chat with the head of the hospital to prevent anyone from squealing to the media. He would've had Bruce talking to the doctors and learning everything about Tony's medications. 

And Steve... well. There was no way Steve would've let Tony be taken downstairs by a nurse. Steve would've done that himself. He would've been painstakingly cautious, moving the wheelchair slowly and smoothly so as not to aggravate any of Tony's injuries. And forget Tony standing up and getting into the car on his own. Steve would've picked him up and slid into the car, settling Tony on his lap for the drive back to the tower. Tony wouldn't have needed to worry about a thing.

Shit, he was doing it again. He was jolted back to reality when Happy got into the front seat and slammed the door. Happy was clearly upset, because he started moving the vehicle before some of the journalists had even gotten out of the way. Tony watched them scatter, unable to feel even a little vindicated by the sight. It would be just one more slight in an increasingly lost list of slights.

Out of morbid curiosity, he took the tablet out of his bag. Already pictures of him were flooding the internet. He cringed at the sight of them: weak and sick didn't even begin to describe how pathetic he looked. No wonder people were questioning his ability to even be an Avenger. And Tony, in spite of his earlier resolution, was beginning to doubt himself just as much. 

He browsed on the tablet until they got back to the tower, where Vision met them with another wheelchair. In spite of Tony's protests about wanting to go to the workshop, he was taken up to his bedroom. Vision left him there, on Tony's command, reluctantly sinking through the floor. Only once he was gone did Tony stand, gasping from the pain, and shakily sink down onto the bed that had once belonged to him and Steve. An unbearable feeling of homesickness flooded through him when he spotted the wolf's head peeking out of the hospital bag.

He didn't want to do this anymore. It was a terrible thought, but it was true. Sometimes he couldn't even remember why he was fighting against Steve in the first place. He was exhausted down to the bone. Maybe he could've kept going if he could see a light at the end of the tunnel, but he couldn't. There was only more work and more effort and more pressure, always more, until he had a heart attack or Steve won anyway. 

What was the point?


	6. Chapter 6

Justin Hammer was missing, presumed dead.

Tony watched the newsfeeds with a sense of detachment. Hammer had gone missing yesterday morning, a full week after Tony was released from the hospital, and that was all anyone could talk about. Speculation abounded: most people knew that Hammer Industries had some seriously shady dealings going on, and Hammer wasn’t shy about ripping people off, so any one of them could’ve decided enough was enough.

“It was Steve,” Tony said dully, and Pepper sighed.

“You don’t know that,” she said, exchanging a look with Rhodey. It was a look full of meaning, though Tony couldn’t parse what they were thinking.

“Oh come on, Pep,” Tony said. “I told you, Steve was pissed. He was out for Hammer’s blood.” He couldn’t bring himself to be sorry about it, either. Hammer had been a thorn in Tony’s side for years now. 

“He couldn’t have chosen a better target,” said Rhodey.

“Rhodey!” Pepper said, giving the screen a disapproving look. Tony wished that Rhodey could be here in person, but the military had denied his leave. This was the next best thing, and at least the quality was crystal clear. Tony could hear the quiet sound of Rhodey’s breathing with no problems.

“It’s true. After all the stunts that Hammer has pulled over the years, it’s about time someone put a stop to it.”

A little surprised, Tony squinted at the screen. “You agree with Steve?”

It was Rhodey’s turn to sigh, crossing his arms. “No, Tones. Not entirely. I think Steve has done some sneaky, underhanded things that weren’t okay. I don’t agree with his methods, but I have to admit that his results are something I can get on board with. It’s been a long time since the military had a year with this few losses.”

“He’s gonna be King of Earth,” Tony said bluntly. He wasn’t sure if he was surprised or dismayed when Pepper and Rhodey didn’t argue with the statement. Then again, he supposed he shouldn’t be either. His friends were very smart. They could see the same writing on the wall that Tony could. Nothing short of a nuclear disaster or an asteroid wiping out humanity was going to stop Steve at this point. His methods were working, so that would only give Steve encouragement to keep trying.

“What do you want to do about it?” Pepper asked.

It was the first time anyone had asked him that question. When Tony hadn’t automatically fallen in with the other Avengers, everyone had just assumed that he would stand against them. And for a while, he’d tried. He’d tried so hard. While stuck in this bed, he’d spent some time calculating how much money that Tony had personally sunk into fighting this losing battle. When he added it all up, the numbers were staggering.

“I don’t know,” he said, avoiding their gazes.

“Tony,” Rhodey said.

Tony swallowed hard. Underneath the covers, outside of Pepper’s and Rhodey’s view, he clutched the stuffed wolf to his right leg. “I miss Steve,” he confessed, hating himself. “I miss all of them. And I’m tired. I don’t want to fight them anymore. They’re not hurting anyone. Well, no one innocent.” He cast another look at the television, which had a big picture of Hammer’s stupid face on it.

“I have to agree,” Pepper said. Tony looked at her with wide eyes.

“You do?”

Pepper nodded. “I’ve seen the kind of effect this is having on you. I’m worried about your health. And frankly, I asked the financial division to pull some numbers for me. The popularity of Stark Industries and our products has risen significantly in countries already under Steve’s control, whereas it’s dwindled in the United States and other countries that aren’t. If you were to throw your lot in with Steve, you wouldn’t be hurting the company. If anything, since we’d be one of the first Fortune 500 companies to publicly do so, we might actually stand to gain a lot.”

That was not what Tony was expecting to hear, though in retrospect it made sense. His name was mud in the U.S. and Steve had made it clear he stood by Tony and, by extension, Stark Industries. But it hadn’t escaped his notice that Pepper had said very little about herself. He asked, “But what about you, Pep?”

“I think I would much rather give in with grace than be conquered,” Pepper said. “I can think of _much_ worse leaders of the world than Steve Rogers, especially if you were there to give him guidance. What about you, Rhodey?”

“You have a point,” Rhodey said. “I’m not sure about joining him, but I would understand if you two did. There’s a certain sense of inevitability about this fight.”

“He’s not hurting anyone,” Tony repeated in a small voice. “The civilian casualties have actually been extremely low. Lower than some of the Avengers battles have wrought.”

“But he has killed some people,” Rhodey pointed out.

“Bad people,” Tony muttered childishly. Logically he understood that murder wasn’t the answer. There was a reason that prisons had been created, and everything was supposed to be decided in a court of law. But more and more that seemed like a childish way of thinking. 

Maybe he’d just lived with assassins for too long: he could also understand the benefit to a quick, clean kill, particularly if the target was someone who was a stain on society. Like the Ten Rings. Tony wouldn’t have argued if, when he’d been kidnapped, Natasha and Clint had been there to set him free with some long-distance gunshots. Some people you just couldn’t lock away. Hammer was an excellent example. He’d been carted off to prison half a dozen times, yet connections and money had bought his way out every time.

“But still people,” Rhodey said gently. 

Tony just shrugged, unwilling to concede the point. That made him a terrible person, he knew. But he’d never taken the same vows that Rhodey had. He had no lingering sense of patriotism or desire to fight for his country. His own, private vows had always been about protecting _people_ , not values or land. And in the past month, he’d realized that joining Steve might be the best way to keep that vow.

“You’ve already made up your mind,” Rhodey realized.

“Maybe,” Tony said, and then, “Yeah. I have. I can’t do this anymore.” He waved a hand to indicate the world outside of his window. It made him feel like a coward and a weakling for giving up, but his will to keep going had been ground to pebbles. Something had to change.

Pepper put a hand on his arm. “Would you like me to reach out to Steve?”

“You know how to contact him?”

She met his gaze, unashamed. “I’ve kept in contact with Natasha.”

“Of course you have,” Tony said. “Please. Rhodey, I –”

Rhodey shook his head. When he spoke, his voice was kind. “It’s okay, Tony. I don’t blame you. Hell, I admire you for keeping it together for as long as you have. How you didn’t crack six months ago, I’ll never know. You’re only human, no matter how much you like to pretend otherwise, and literally _no one_ could keep going under that kind of pressure.”

“You could’ve,” Tony said, believing that with everything he was. And maybe, had Tony’s relationship with Steve and the rest of the team not been what it was, he could’ve too. He’d realized a long time ago that he was too close to this situation. Fighting against people you still loved and cared about was too hard.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Rhodey said. “There’s been a lot of shit piled on you. More than I realized. Too much.” He frowned. “Say hi to them for me, okay?”

“I will.” Tony’s voice cracked, and he couldn’t say anything else. He just waved goodbye as Rhodey cut the connection. 

“They’re coming,” Pepper said quietly. “You’re sure about this?”

Tony cleared his throat, pulling himself back under control. “I’m tired, Pep,” he said hoarsely. “I just want one day where my to-do list doesn’t have a thousand things on it. One day where I don’t get screamed at.”

She squeezed his arm. “I get it. I’m here with you.”

And she was. Two days later, when Steve and Bruce were quietly shown into Tony’s bedroom, Pepper was sitting beside the bed. Bruce made an alarmed sound when he saw Tony, eyes popping as he took in the sling, the bruises, the bandages. Tony nodded at Pepper, who handed over a tablet that contained all of the doctor’s notes and information. Bruce sat down in a chair, flipping through it.

“How are you?” Steve asked. Hearing his voice made Tony want to cry.

“I’m healing,” Tony said, keeping it simple. “You know why you’re here?”

“I do. And I’m glad, Tony. I really am,” Steve said, so earnest and sincere that it was maddening. He’d done well to keep his distance from Steve all these months, Tony thought. Steve exuded enough charm to make anyone want to agree with him.

“I have some recommendations,” Pepper said. “In order for Stark Industries to publicly ally with you, I need to know that our reputation won’t be tarnished.”

Steve nodded. “I would be glad to go over them with you. Anything I don’t understand, I’m sure that Coulson will.”

“Coulson is with you?” Tony said, stunned. Judging by Pepper’s startled expression, she hadn’t known either.

“Yeah, turns out death isn’t as permanent as everyone thinks,” said Bruce without looking up. “Good god, Tony, getting to the bathroom must be agony.”

Tony flushed. “I manage,” he said with dignity. By which he meant he was either in agonizing pain by the time he was done, or his pride got dealt serious blows because Vision or Barnes had to help.

“You won’t need to,” Steve said. “Pepper, could I speak to Tony alone? Coulson is waiting outside for you.”

Pepper looked at Tony. “Are you okay with that?”

“Yes,” Tony said, even though he wasn’t. Pepper nodded, stood up and left. Bruce followed, but only after he’d collected the bottles of medicine that Tony was on. 

Left alone, Steve took Pepper’s chair and looked at Tony. “I want you to be little for a long time. _Only_ little. That’s non-negotiable. You’ve been pushing yourself, stressing yourself, and it stops now.”

“That’s not –”

“Yes, it is. I’ve been watching you, Tony. I know exactly how far you’ve gone.”

And then, Tony knew. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before. “You sent Barnes to spy on me.”

Steve nodded, unperturbed. “I was worried about you, but I knew you wouldn’t agree to see me or anyone else. But Bucky, well. You’ve always had the softest heart out of all of us.” He smiled fondly. “I knew you’d take him in if you thought he needed a place to go.”

“So the wolf,” Tony said, fighting to keep his voice even.

“Bucky picked it up from me and delivered it personally. He also brought you my blood.”

“I knew Barnes was B-,” Tony hissed.

“He is. I’m O-. Bruce said that with the level of damage you sustained, you would’ve died otherwise. He’s recommended you have a couple more transfusions to heighten your speed of recovery.”

Tony shook his head. “Steve, this is – I can’t. I still have things to do. I can’t just disappear.”

“Pepper can handle most of it, and we’ll sort out the rest. I’m not asking you, Tony.” Steve’s voice was firm, and his expression was determined. “I’m telling you. You need a break. I’m going to take care of you. End of story. You can either agree and let yourself slip, or I can put you to sleep like I did before and have you brought back to my headquarters and take measures to insure you stay little. It’s your choice.”

“Not much of a choice,” Tony snapped. Maybe this was a mistake. He’d never liked being told what to do and he liked it even less now. “What about everyone else?”

“They already know. Natasha figured it out first. Anyone who didn’t know, she told.”

Tony blushed from head to toe, humiliated. “They know?! So Barnes…”

“Bucky knows too.”

That explained some of Barnes’s weird behavior. God, he’d probably known that day that Tony had wet the bed. Just how out of it had Tony been over the past few weeks? It wasn’t like Barnes had been subtle in his actions, and Tony had never once stopped to wonder whether Barnes was spying on him. He rubbed his face, embarrassed and frustrated and overwhelmed all at once.

“Steve, you can’t just –”

“Yes, I can,” Steve said, still gentle but with a thread of steel. “I won’t let you hurt yourself anymore. So make your decision, baby boy. What will it be?”


	7. Chapter 7

Two days. Tony had negotiated that much time from Steve. Just forty-eight hours. He knew that the only reason Steve had given in was because Tony had pointed out, and Bruce had agreed, that any sedatives could be dangerous when mixed with the cocktail of medications that Tony was on. Steve hadn't liked it, but after Tony had promised that he would give in and go with Steve and do whatever Steve wanted him to do once the two days were up, Steve had agreed - on the condition that Bruce remain in the tower and that Barnes shadow Tony for those two days.

Honestly Tony hadn't really argued against that, and, looking out over the crowd of assembled people, he was beginning to wish he hadn't fought Steve at all. He could've let Pepper deal with this crowd instead of sitting here in a wheelchair. It was mortifying to appear in public like this, and he could only imagine the scathing comments that were appearing all over the internet right now. But he still couldn't wait; he'd tried, getting dressed that morning, and almost passed out from the pain of just standing on his own two feet. Bruce seemed to think it would be at least a couple of weeks before he'd be able to try.

Pepper would've done it, too. That was the kind of woman she was. But Tony couldn't have left her alone to deal with everything. She might have been the CEO of Stark Industries but she was still his close friend, and he knew exactly how much pressure Pepper had been under during the past six months. She was just as tired as Tony was, if not worse. And this announcement was going to cause even more trouble. The selfish part of Tony hoped that Steve had plans to conquer the U.S. soon just so that people would finally leave them alone.

"We're ready to start, I think, Mr. Stark," one of the P.R. interns said. "Do you need some help getting on stage?"

"My bodyguard will help," Tony said, jerking his head to indicate Barnes. Barnes certainly looked the part of a bodyguard in a black, fitted suit with a grey shirt and dark grey tie. He was even wearing sunglasses and had a visible earpiece in his right ear. Tony suspected that he was in communication with Steve. There was no doubt in his mind that Steve was somewhere around here.

The intern smiled nervously. "Okay. Good luck."

Tony would have liked to push himself, but his arm was still in a sling. He had a small range of motion, but anything that required strength - like pushing a wheelchair around - was a no go. So he sat back in his chair and tried not to grind his teeth as Barnes's hands landed on the handles and carefully pushed him out onto the stage. Starting tomorrow, or whenever Tony got the chance to play in his workshop again, he was looking into high quality motorized wheelchairs. What they had available on the market now was garbage, but Tony could think of twenty improvements that would help.

Pepper followed them out. The crowd of journalists, news anchors, and camera-people hushed immediately at the sight of them. Tony pasted on a confident smile, pretending that he attended press conferences looking like he'd been smashed by the Hulk every day. The only reason, aside from support, that he was here was to show people that he was alive and agreed with the decision for Stark Industries to support Steve Rogers. Pepper was afraid people would start thinking that Steve had kidnapped him, just like Justin Hammer, otherwise.

"Good afternoon," Pepper said into the mic. She looked chic and polished, hair pulled back into a bun and dressed in a white suit. "Stark Industries would like to formally announce that, from this point on, we are openly supportive of the Avengers and in particular Steve Rogers. We've been in talks with Rogers and he has agreed to give Stark Industries his full support in return."

The room _exploded_. Tony flinched in spite of himself, making his ribs ache, and immediately felt a hand on his shoulder: Barnes. He tried to catch his breath, realizing that his heart had been racing from the moment they'd stepped on stage. Where had the Tony Stark who reveled in attention gone? Why couldn't he summon up that mask anymore? All he could think, as he stared into the flashing lights and listened to the muddled yelling, was just how much he didn't want to do this. He wanted peace and quiet and a break from everything more than anything else in the world.

"What this means," Pepper said loudly, speaking over the yelling, and some people hushed so as to hear her better, "is that Stark Industries will continue functioning the way we have as much as possible. We are not preparing to leave the United States at this time."

"Then what does it mean?" someone yelled. "Will Stark Industries be making weapons again?"

"No," Pepper said. "As I said, nothing will change. We will still be launching a new smart phone at the end of the quarter. We will still be hosting the Maria Stark Foundation charity function this April."

"Then why?" someone else shouted.

"As the CEO, I have to do what I feel is best for our company," Pepper replied. "There's been a lot of research done considering the current political climate of the world. All of my extensive sources tell me that everything is headed in one particular direction. Stark Industries has always prided itself on staying ahead of the curve and being a front runner for change and innovation. If this is the future, then we want to make sure we're a part of it. And I hope that the American community will support us in this."

"What about you, Mr. Stark? How do you feel about this?"

Tony licked dry lips. "I agree with Ms. Potts," he said, only realizing how hoarse his voice was after he'd spoken. He cleared his throat. "And as I still own 51% of the shares of the company, we were able to make this decision unanimously."

"Doesn't this mean you're just giving up?"

Ow. Tony didn't know how to answer that one. He could see how it would look that way to someone on the outside. Hell, it was the truth. "I am trying to do what's best for not only Stark Industries, but also the world itself."

"And you believe Steve Rogers to be the best choice, then?"

"It's the only choice we have," Tony said. That, at least, was 100% true. Maybe some of the general public didn't realize it yet, but Steve was very effectively backing people into a corner. Tony had seen the numbers that Pepper had pulled together. Within two months, it was very likely that the lone hold-out against Steve would be the United States. While the U.S. would be able to hold out for a while, eventually the government would give in. Or, more likely, Steve would just take it. Steve had strong opinions about the American government, and they weren't good.

"What would your father say?"

Tony froze. The question had come from an older man, probably in his sixties or seventies, who standing in the front row. "Excuse me?"

"I asked what Howard Stark would say if he knew his son was going belly-up," the man said with open disgust. 

Strangely, Tony wanted to laugh. Howard had _adored_ Captain America; in his book, Steve could literally do no wrong. Did no one realize that Howard probably would've sided with Steve from day one? He probably wouldn't been pissed that Tony had fought against Steve for as long as he had, because no choice that Tony made was ever the right one when it came to his father. He did his best to keep his voice steady as he responded. 

"I like to think that Howard and Maria Stark would be proud that we had done our homework and were trying to do what's best for the company."

His voice broke, embarrassingly enough. Pepper must have noticed, because she smoothly stepped in and answered the next question. Tony wanted to close his eyes, needing just a minute - hell, even thirty seconds to regain his composure. Instead, he felt the wheelchair moving again. Barnes pulled him backstage and out of view of the journalists. The head of Stark Industries' Public Relations department moved out on stage to join Pepper instead. Tony knew that the two women could handle it, but that didn't stop the guilt from swamping him. He should be out there helping to put a good face on, not hiding back here and trying to keep from crying in public.

"Okay, we're done," Barnes said behind him.

"What?" Tony said.

"We're done. We're leaving."

"The press conference isn't over!"

Barnes just looked at him in disbelief. "You're white as a sheet and you're shaking." He pointed to one of Tony's hands, the one dangling from the sling. Tony looked down, realizing that Barnes was right, and slid his other hand out of sight. "You don't need this right now. Bruce said that if you were put under too much stress, you could put yourself back months of healing. And then Steve would kill me."

"I'm fine," Tony argued, but Barnes wasn't listening. He began pushing the wheelchair further backstage. Tony craned his neck to see if he see Pepper, but the curtains were too thick. 

"You're not fine, and you've done enough."

"I haven't! I have to - to -" Tony couldn't even begin to list all the things that he had to do. This was going to rock the very foundations of Stark Industries. They would lose all kinds of employees over this, not to mention shareholders and possibly board members. Companies they'd worked with for years were going to blacklist them. Their reputation would be in the toilet, and a result the stock was going to plummet overnight. They might even face legal issues because they were still operating in the U.S., though that was a grey area for the lawyers to handle. Still, the thought of everything coming was _so real_ and it was enough to make Tony's breath catch. What the hell had they been thinking?

"Shh, Tony, it's okay. Everything's gonna be okay," Barnes said, sounding gentler than Tony had thought possible. It was also the first time Barnes had ever used his first name. Tony twisted his neck to stare at him. Barnes smiled back, pushing the wheelchair faster.

"It's not okay. Nothing is okay!" Tony hissed back. They exited the building and he shivered as the cold air hit him, only just realizing that Barnes hadn't stopped to grab their jackets. 

They'd gone out through a side entrance and, as a result, avoided most of the attention - but not all of it. Some of the journalists that had been camping out in the hopes of seeing him leapt to their feet. Tony cringed and threw a hand up across his face, deeply regretting that Pepper had talked him into doing this in a hotel instead of at the tower. She'd insisted that doing this release on neutral grounds was important, but at this point Tony would've happily foregone that in favor of having increased security. 

Barnes hustled over to a car idling at the curb. He opened the door, physically picked Tony up, and slid him inside. Shocked, Tony cried out at the pain from the ungraceful handling, fresh agony opening up from his hip, ribs, side and shoulder all at once. Before he knew it he was crying as Barnes clambered in and slammed the door shut, leaving the wheelchair discarded outside: great, huge gulps of air that came out as sobs. _Everything_ hurt and he was exhausted and he didn't know how to fix anything anymore.

He jumped when hands touched him. "There, there, baby boy," Steve crooned, and Tony relaxed at the sound of his voice. He twisted around and looked into Steve's face and felt the tears coming even faster. 

"I know. I know, you've had a terrible time and everything aches, I'm sorry." Steve pulled him into a gentle hug, hands so very careful as he picked Tony up and settled Tony in his lap. It still hurt and Tony found himself crying even harder as his head was guided down against Steve's shoulder.

"Sorry," Barnes said, sounding guilty. "I was trying to get him out of the sight of those vultures fast. Did I hurt him?"

"I'll ask Bruce to look him over when we get home," Steve said, lightly rubbing Tony's back. He bowed his head, kissing Tony's temple, and murmured to him, "Shhh, sweetheart. Daddy's here. Daddy's got you and he's never letting go."


	8. Chapter 8

Tony woke briefly when they moved from the car to a plane, but just as quickly sank back into sleep. Steve must have given him something to dull the pain, because his body didn’t hurt nearly as much. He slept until Steve shook him lightly, murmuring his name. Only then did Tony pry his eyes open, feeling heavy and lethargic, and realize that they were in a different building altogether.

“This is your new home, honey,” Steve whispered. He was carrying Tony very carefully, bridal-style instead of on his hip like he usually did, and he set Tony down in a wheelchair. Unlike the one they’d behind in New York, this was one was cushioned and didn’t make Tony’s back ache. Steve knelt down and pulled a strap over Tony’s lap, buckling him in.

“I’m taking him upstairs. Have Bruce meet us up there, okay?” he said to someone else before the chair started to move. Tony fingered the strap, realizing it was made of a high-quality, soft but durable material. The buckle, on the other hand, was some kind of metal. Steel, maybe, with a fingerprint lock. Given time he could probably figure out a way to open the buckle, but for the moment his brain was drawing a blank. He was effectively trapped until Steve chose to let him free, just like a baby would be. He wasn’t sure he liked that.

While Tony was musing, Steve had wheeled him into an elevator. The doors swept shut behind them. A gentle hand touched Tony’s head, fingers running through his hair. “We’re gonna go upstairs and have a bath, my baby boy. Then I’ll get you changed into something more comfortable.”

“No bath,” Tony mumbled, but it was half-hearted at best. Pepper had helped him to shower before the press conference, but then Tony’s personal make-up and hairstylists had swooped in. Covering up the bruises on his face had required what felt like at least a pound of make-up, not to mention all of the product and hairspray in his hair. He was also sweaty and sticky from nerves.

“Yes bath. I promise it won’t hurt,” Steve said. The doors swept open and Steve moved the chair out. Tony looked around. It was a small living area with what looked like a galley kitchen off to the right. There was ample room for a wheelchair to maneuver around the furniture and down a long hallway, which is where Steve went. They came to a stop in front of a nursery.

Yes, an actual, honest-to-god nursery. Tony blinked dumbly, eyes scanning the room and trying to take in everything. The walls were painted a calming shade of pale green. Someone – Steve? – had painted a variety of cartoon animals on the upper walls in pastel colors. There was a crib, a changing table, a dresser, a toy box and a rocking chair, all built to fit an adult, all designed out of cherry wood, all with what looked like a hand-carved stencil of some kind of plant on the sides.

The curtains were a darker shade of green. They were open, letting sunlight spill into the room across the hardwood floor. There was a plush white rug right in front of the crib and another one in front of the rocking chair. The crib itself was done up with a blue comforter set. There were three stuffed animals already on it: Tony recognized his wolf, a zebra that Steve had bought him a long time ago and which he hadn’t seen in ages, and a new toy, a cute bunny rabbit with floppy ears.

To the right, there was an open door that led to a bathroom. It had two tubs, one that was a normal size and the other easily large enough to accommodate two or three adults, but no shower. There was a hamper tucked behind the door. A net full of brightly colored plastic was hanging just beside the door; it didn’t take a genius to figure out that there were probably toys in there.

Tony was speechless. Somehow Steve had taken a picture of this nursery from his deepest, darkest fantasties and brought it to life. He had no idea what to say. For the first time, he realized that Steve was completely serious about Tony living as a baby for the next several weeks, if not months. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, it sounded amazing to just let go of all the stress that had built up. On the other hand…

“I can’t,” Tony whispered.

“What’s that, baby?”

“I can’t,” Tony repeated, a little louder this time. He was shaking. “They’ll all know.”

Steve moved around and crouched down in front of him. “The rest of the team already knows, and they’re all okay with it. They’re the only people you’ll have contact with, sweetpea. You don’t need to worry about anyone else, I promise.”

Tony stared at him, torn between fear and desire. The emotions must’ve been written across his face because Steve’s eyes softened. He leaned forward, wrapping Tony in a careful hug. “You’ve worked so hard, Tony. We all just want you to have the chance to rest. And I know you. This is the best way for that to happen.”

“I thought they’d hate me,” Tony muttered. “I thought you would…” He trailed off rather than voice the nagging fear that had given birth to a fair few nightmares over the past several months. He couldn’t count how many mornings he’d woken up, wet and sobbing, convinced that Steve hated him, ears ringing with the sound of Steve’s furious accusations.

“Hate you? Oh, baby, no. I don’t hate you. I love you. You’re my everything. That hasn’t changed.” Steve hugged him a little tighter. “You did exactly what I wanted you to do.”

“What?”

“I knew that people wouldn’t fight me as hard if they thought that you were against me too. They’d put everything on you. Expect you to save them, just like always. And by the time anyone realized that you couldn’t, because you’re only one man, it would be too late.”

Tony thought about that. “So… from day one…”

“This was all planned out,” Steve admitted, sounding a little sheepish. He leaned back so he could look Tony in the face. “I had some contingency plans in place, but things went pretty much as I expected. I’m sorry. You were under so much pressure. I wanted to be there for you, but I knew that you wouldn’t want me until you’d exhausted every possible attempt to fight me.”

“And what if I had found a way?” Tony said incredulously, unsure if he was pissed or impressed by the size of Steve’s ego. He also couldn’t believe that Steve knew him well enough to know exactly how Tony would react. That was a weird feeling. It had been a very long time since anyone knew Tony well enough for that. 

“Then it would’ve been a moot point, wouldn’t it?” Steve grinned. It was that mischievous, sly grin that Tony had always loved. “Come on, honey. Isn’t this better? No more wars. No more starving people. No more corrupt governments. One planet, united against any outside threats, standing strong against the rest of the universe. Protected by the Avengers.”

Tony was far more swayed by that than he should’ve been. Steve’s words made him remember that awful vision that Wanda had shown him. His hands shook a little. “Was Justin Hammer part of your plan?”

Steve’s grin vanished, replaced by something serious and cold. “No. Of course not,” he said, so firmly that Tony had no choice but to believe him.

“Did you kill him?”

“Yes.”

The blatant admission wasn’t as surprising as Tony might’ve thought. He found that he couldn’t bring himself to be sad or disappointed. Justin Hammer had been a dangerous man. Someone with money, ambition and no sense was not a person that should be set free on the world. Not to mention, Hammer’s grudge meant that Tony was usually the one suffering from the effects of said ambition. This time, Hammer had nearly killed him. Next time, it was possible that Tony might not survive.

He looked down at Steve’s face, at the blue eyes watching him so intently. He knew distantly that he should be angry. No, he should be _furious_ at finding out that all of the work he’d done trying to thwart Steve had been exactly what Steve expected him to do. He should get up and leave, or at least wheel himself out. It wasn’t too late to change his mind and strike out against Steve.

But Tony was tired. He was just… so unbelievably tired. The thought of going back to all of that pressure and blame was unbearable. And what good would it do? To stop Steve now, Tony would have to kill him. He didn’t know if he could do that. Not just physically – although it would be very difficult to kill a supersoldier – but mentally and emotionally. He didn’t even know if he wanted to try. 

Steve wasn’t going to let him go even if Tony changed his mind. So maybe, instead of a fight that neither side would win, it was better to accept and use his unique position to keep Steve on the right road and make sure that he never became anything like the Red Skull. Or at least, that’s what Tony was telling himself anyway. It sounded a lot better than giving in to selfishness and exhaustion.

“They don’t hate me?” he asked, just to be sure.

“No. You’re their friend. An Avenger.”

This was harder to say, but Tony forced himself to do it: “I don’t want to make weapons.” He didn’t really think that Steve would be like everyone else who had ever tried to get Tony Stark on their side, but the possibility had occurred to him.

“I swear to you, Tony. You will _never_ have to build weapons if you don’t want to. I want you to stay little for a while, but after that…” Steve seized his trembling hand and kissed the back of it. “You can do whatever you want.”

Tony nodded slowly. “I’m tired, Daddy,” he whispered.

Steve’s face filled with sympathy. “I know. Come here.” He lifted Tony out of the wheelchair and carried him into the bathroom. Instead of helping Tony out of his clothing, Steve came up with a pair of scissors. He cut Tony’s clothing off, until Tony was sitting naked on the floor. Then Steve lifted him into the smaller bathtub.

Tony wasn’t actually wearing any casts, though he was heavily bandaged. Steve ran a little water in the bottom of the tub, stopping when the water was just covering the top of Tony’s feet. He helped Tony to recline against the back of the rub, since trying to sit up straight under his own willpower was still painful, and then – very, very gently – began cleaning him.

It felt good. The warm water was heavenly, and somehow Steve seemed to know exactly how much pressure to use. Tony closed his eyes and relaxed as much as he could, still conscious of the pain. The nurses at the hospital had warned him that he might always have trouble getting around now. It depended on how well his ribs healed after repeatedly being broken, and how well his hip healed. The blood transfusions had helped, but no one could tell how much they’d helped, and of course Tony wasn’t exactly young anymore.

“I’m gonna wash your hair,” Steve murmured, sliding around behind Tony. “Just stay relaxed and let me do all the work, okay?”

Tony hummed a response, used to this by now. With Pepper, he’d been embarrassed at being so helpless. With Steve, it easy to stay boneless and let Steve move him around however Steve wanted. He couldn’t help letting out a contented sigh as Steve’s big hands slid into his hair, rubbing in shampoo but also massaging Tony’s scalp. The lingering headache, which Tony hadn’t even really noticed until now, finally eased.

It hurt when Steve shifted him forward so that he rinse Tony’s hair. Tony bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut against the renewed flare of pain. But he must’ve made a sound, or maybe Steve had caught the flinch: Steve immediately whispered an apology, leaning down to press a kiss to Tony’s cheek and running gentle hands down his back until the worst of the pain had passed.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Steve said again, helping Tony to lean back.

“It’s okay,” Tony said, trying to smile. It wasn’t working. Between his ribs, his hips, and the surgery he’d had, his body was just a mess. 

“It’s not okay. I think it’s time for another dose of pain medication. I’ll make you up a bottle once you’re dry,” Steve said, tone allowing no room for argument. That was always how Tony got medication when he was little: Steve would crush up the pills in milk or juice and give them to Tony in a bottle. It sounded a lot better than trying to swallow pills, so Tony didn’t argue.

He remained limp as Steve lifted him out of the bathtub and carried him out of the bathroom. Steve set him down on the changing table, which wasn’t as flat as Tony would’ve expected. He only realized that the upper portion of it was slightly elevated and cushioned when he was reclining against it. It was more comfortable than laying flat would’ve been, and it belatedly occurred to him that Steve really had thought of everything.

Steve fetched a towel and dried him off, carefully patting at Tony’s skin and avoiding the soaked bandages. Tony was a little embarrassed by how excited he was when Steve parted his thighs for the diaper; normally that wasn’t his favorite part of age play, but honestly anything was better than trying to hobble into the bathroom. Having Vision or Barnes help was just plain humiliating. At least Steve was used to this, and even professed to enjoy this part of it.

“There you go, sweet boy,” Steve said, sprinkling some baby powder over Tony’s genitals. He pulled the diaper up between Tony’s thighs and fastened it into place. It was a secure feeling in spite of everything, and a little bit of tension in the back of Tony’s head melted away.

Or at least, it did until the nursery door opened and Bruce walked in. Tony froze, shocked and mortified. Steve straightened up and smiled like this was perfectly normal. “Hey Bruce. Did you bring everything?”

“I think so. I keep telling you, I’m not that kind of doctor,” Bruce said, but he sounded relaxed and friendly. Teasing, almost.

“You’re the only doctor I’d trust around Tony right now,” Steve replied. He set a hand on Tony’s shoulder, gentle but firm, preventing Tony from trying to sit up.

Bruce’s eyes went to Tony. “Hi Tony,” he said, a sympathetic smile crossing his face. “Bucky sent me a copy of your medical records. I’ve been looking at them. From what I can tell, you were lucky. The beam didn’t do too much internal damage. Though I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way.”

Tony just stared at him, eyes huge, face burning. He didn’t know what to say or how to react. Bruce wasn’t acting like the sight of him naked except for a diaper was weird or strange, and that was throwing him off. He stayed quiet and confused as Bruce approached the changing table and reached for the sodden bandages, carefully beginning to peel them away. 

“Oh baby,” Steve hissed when the first bruises were revealed. The skin around the incisions and stitches was inflamed and swollen, painful to the touch. Even the incision on his hip was swollen. Bruising spread all the way up Tony’s chest to his throat and down below the diaper.

“You’re going to have to limit movement for a while,” Bruce said, adjusting his glasses. He leaned down, nudging the diaper out of the way to better examine Tony’s hip. Tony blushed even harder, feeling impossibly bewildered and shy and… well, _little_.

“Bucky and I can carry him around,” Steve said, grip on Tony’s shoulder easing. He put his other hand on Tony’s opposite shoulder, fingers gentle: that was the shoulder that Tony’d dislocated.

Bruce nodded. “That’s a good idea. It’s better than I expected, but not as far as I would hope. I’d recommend another couple of blood transfusions at least.” He carefully set a hand on Tony’s ribs, feeling them. Tony tried to swallow a whimper as a jolt of pain shot through him, but the thin sound escaped anyway. Both Bruce and Steve looked at him with identical expressions that practically screamed ‘poor baby’. 

“The stitches look okay. We’ll spare you that much,” Bruce said softly. His eyes were bright with some weird mixture of compassion and sympathy. To Steve, he added, “They’ve got him on some antibiotics, that’s good. But I’m a little concerned about how red the incision on his lower belly is. I’d prescribe something stronger. He’s underweight, so the last thing you want is him getting sick right now.”

“Whatever you think,” Steve said, rubbing a hand up and down Tony’s arm. “Can you get them in liquid form?”

“I’ve already got them, and some liquid painkillers as well. You can put them in a bottle and he won’t even taste them. Bucky is putting one together right now.”

Steve smiled. “Good. He’s definitely in pain. I’ll leave it to you to make up a schedule of some kind.”

It was surreal to lay here and listen to Bruce and Steve talk about him like he wasn’t there. Tony’s eyes flicked back and forth between them. Even though he was the topic of conversation, he felt like he wasn’t a part of it. That was weird. Very weird. Part of him wanted to sit up and scold them both for ignoring him and demand that he be consulted on his own care. 

But they weren’t ignoring him, that was the thing. Steve was half-hugging him and Bruce was still inspecting his wounds. They’d both pause to give him a concerned look or comforting smile if he so much as twitched. Kind of like, Tony realized slowly, how they would treat an injured infant or toddler. He couldn’t even say it was bad, exactly, just _different_ from what he was used to. Except for Rhodey and Pepper, there had never been anyone who Tony Stark could be vulnerable around.

If this was the way it would be with all the Avengers, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He could handle this, might even enjoy it, as long as no one lost respect for him. 

“I’m going to re-bandage his wounds,” Bruce was saying, pulling a fresh roll of bandages out of the bag he’d brought with him. “Lift his arms for me, would you, Steve?”

“Sure. Come here, honey.” Steve gripped Tony’s wrists and pulled his arms out of the way, helping Tony to sit up enough so that Bruce could start with the stitches over Tony’s left kidney. Tony winced at the pain even as he leaned back against Steve’s comforting warmth. He turned his head into Steve’s neck as Bruce began bandaging him up again.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://tsuki-chibi.tumblr.com/).


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